I never forget a punchline. But I constantly forget what leads to them. So here is a comprehensive list to all the leads to all the jokes I know. Read over them. Intrigued? Want to know the monkeyball joke? Just ask the next time you see me. You'll never look at jokes, or a monkey's balls, the same way again.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Control freak...
Courtesy Daniel Burton-Rose

A Texan is walking through Harvard Square, and...
Courtesy Kyle and Liz Blair

George Bush is in the oval office when an aide comes in and says, "I have bad news for you, sir. Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Courtesy Kara P.

What sound does a baby in a blender make?
Courtesy Marky T.

(The one about "presumptuous")
Courtesy Abby

What's green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls on you from a tree?
Courtesy Sebba

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
Courtesy JRC

Two snickers bars are crossing the street when one falls down.

(The one about the guy with the lemon for a head)

A man walks into a butcher's shop and asks for two cuts of beef on the wall.

What's the difference between beernuts and deernuts?

(The one where someone asks her friend what gender her child will be)

What's brown and sticky?

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Courtesy Josh RC

A guy's golfing with his psychologist friend and lawyer friend and says,

Which biblical figure was the best investor?
Courtesy a web site with shitty biblical jokes on it.

A college girl is about to graduate, and she wants to throw a big party to celebrate. But...

A guy is visiting the deep south when a guy in white sheets and a mask hands him a cookie and says,
Courtesy Mike K.

A lawyer goes up to a judge and says, "Your Honor, I just found important evidence and my client needs another trial."
Courtesy Natalie Sperry

A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog pouring the drinks.
Courtesy Andrew

How does every racist joke start?

A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a Jack..... and Coke."
Courtesy Rebecca Wong

What did the sushi say when a bee landed on it?
Courtesy Jesse Robinson

Five Jewish ladies are having dinner at a restaurant when the waiter comes up to them and says,
Courtesy Mark W.

Why did Christopher Robin look in the toilet?
Courtesy Josh's sister

Why don't anarchists use the metric system?
Courtesy Greg Michalec

Why are there so many Candian anarchists?

What did the 0 say to the 8?

What did the lawyer say when he stepped in the manure?

(The one about the lawyer getting his new Lexus wrecked.)

How many Maoists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Interrupting giraffe.

Interrupting starfish.

Interrupting girlfriend.

A guy's at home, watching TV, drinking a beer, when he hears a knock at the door.

How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland ranch?

Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?
Courtesy Josh RC

Did you hear the joke about 288?

A man walks into a bar, totally depressed... "I like your tie."

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much is a drink?"

What did the hamster say to the frog?

What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

What did they call Miles Davis in Europe?
Courtesy Mike K.

What did they call Snoop Dogg when he went on tour?
Courtesy Mike K.

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
Courtesy Guy in Eugene who sells you jokes.

Why did the buddhist turn down novocaine at the dentist's office?

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many Communists does it take to screw in a lightbult?

What do you get when you have three anarchists in one room?

Why did all the anarchists move to Eugene?

How many Earth First!ers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Courtesy JRC

Have you heard about those new corduroy pillow cases?

Why can't women measure?

What's the definition of a gentleman?

What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

How can you tell if a drummer's at your door?
Courtesy Paul Marini

A small town librarian is at work when a chicken comes to the front desk.

So Liz Taylor is dating a much-younger man and wants to get plastic surgery.
Courtesy Jesse Robinson

Why are choirboys' hair always parted down the middle?

What's the square root of 69?

What do you call it when a cow masturbates?

(Monkeyball joke)
Courtesy JRC and Mike K

(Slug gets mugged)
Courtesy Greg Axe

("Do they call me McGregor the electrician? Nay.")
Courtesy Greg Michalec